The Tyranny of Starbucks

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November 18, 2015

By Kylie Torres Who cares about a red cup? Let’s focus on spelling. Honestly, this red cup drama has gone far enough. How about we talk about some real Starbucks news, like how they spell your name. This past summer I had the opportunity to travel in Ireland, the UK, France, and Spain. While in each country, I was sure to stop by a few Starbucks locations. Seeing how the…

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A Coolly Caffeinated Chemex

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August 17, 2015

See what I did there? I used alliteration – because I’m an English major and some university gave me a degree which proves that I’m allowed to do cool shit like that. Don’t believe me? Well, then you probably got a degree in something useless like Math…or Communications. Ok, well, some of that syntax rage might be from the caffeine. But what can I say? I love coffee. Like, I’m…

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Gluten-Free Drinking: How to Best the Bar

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August 10, 2015

So. You’re at the bar with your friends. They’re slamming back mugs of beer, which is full of our favorite things—namely, barley, hops, and wheat. Yum, gluten! Kay, but that’s not for us. Still, you’re young and in your prime drinking years, you want to have fun too. Never fear. Your gluten-free guru is here to tell you how to best the bar without feeling worse than your impending hangover….

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High Octane Slushies

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July 7, 2015

Grab some sunscreen and your yellow floaty wings because I have for you the perfect recipe for summertime pool fun! As you bask in the sun, cool down and enjoy this doozy of an adult beverage. I repeat, NOT FOR KIDDIES! These babies pack a wallop and are absurdly strong! You’re welcome, Sporkers! This recipe has been passed down through my family for years. Alcoholics unite! Just kidding. Alcoholics attend…

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Black Strap Molasses Rum

I’ve been thinking about pirates too much lately. I’m obsessed with the show Black Sails (hurdy gurdy, FTW!) and have become an avid [amateur] pirate historian. And what does everyone know about pirates? Rum. That’s it. That’s all anyone knows about pirates. History lesson done. My favorite type of rum is a bit of a rare gem these days. It’s also possible that I’ve been going to the wrong bars….

March 29, 2015
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Irish Car Bomb

In America an Irish Car Bomb is a commonly ordered cocktail. In Ireland an Irish Car Bomb might be seen a little differently. Thanks, Real IRA, you real assholes. But St. Patty’s Day is as much about Ireland as Christmas is about Jesus. This is America. And in America we only celebrate one holy trinity: bald eagles, stars and stripes, and alcohol. Bust out the green dye and the guzzler…

March 17, 2015
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Baby Guinness Shots

St. Patrick’s Day is in the air, and we’ve all been inundated by advertisments for all things green! Shamrocks, rivers, beer, eggs and ham. But this year, instead of partaking in the same old green beer, why not try something new? Baby Guinness shot! The name itself just screams Ireland! After all, Guinness originated in Dublin and to us Americans might as well be the official beverage of the Emerald Isle….

March 16, 2015
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Cherry King

Hello, Daddy. Hello, Mom. I’m your ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry king commits suicide when authorities discover underground marijuana operation. Oh shit. That is NOT where I thought that was going. Arthur Mondella, the leader of Dell’s Maraschino Cherries, shot himself this past Tuesday after police became suspicious about the, well, everything. Mondella’s office was complete with a fake wall and some shelves were attached to that thing with magnets. He was truly living…

February 27, 2015
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