Kirsten’s Guide to Food (and Beverage) Selfies

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We’re all familiar with two of Instagram’s most popular genres: selfies and food porn. As a prolific poster of both, I am especially drawn to the hybrid: the food selfie. I’m a bit of a foodie (a term I’m still ambivalent about) and every bit a self-centered freak, so it’s no surprise that posing with edible treats is one of my favorite activities. Here, I lay out my preferred foods to take selfies with as well as an explanation of the particular meanings I hope to convey with each. In creating this guide, I am not trying to discourage anyone from making her own meanings within this rich, rich genre, but trying simply to share its myriad possibilities with the world.

   Silver Spork Coffee Selfie

The Coffee Selfie
As far as I’m concerned, this is the bread and butter of food selfies. I consume coffee every day and pose with it nearly as often. I might instagram a picture of myself with an iced coffee and the caption “Iced coffee is my #reality.” These days I am more likely to relegate my coffee selfies to Snapchat with no caption because it is generally understood that, to me, drinking iced coffee is more akin to breathing than to anything novel. On days when my complexion is particularly bad, I also like to use large coffees to obscure half my face, so that is another potential plus to this variety of selfie.

Silver Spork Cocktail Selfie

The Wine/Cocktail Selfie
I’ve found that alcohol selfies are best when you are a) already a little inebriated or, b) suffering from some kind of personal or professional rejection. When I’m under the influence, I don’t think too much about what I’m posting; I just go with whatever my truth is in that moment. However, I have a slew of captions saved up for when I’m feeling rejected (an extremely common sentiment at 22) and feel compelled to pose with an alcoholic prop. Some of my favorites include: “Wow I’m sooooo surprised I’m single,” “Will anyone ever hire me???” or, for when I’m feeling especially sarcastic: “I’m so glad I’m perfect.”

Silver Spork Corn Dog Selfie

The Corn Dog Selfie
In all fairness, when I took this selfie, my intentions were purely innocent. Like a child at a carnival, I just wanted to celebrate the nostalgic thing that is a corn dog. Once I realized how phallic it was, I decided to just roll with it. Some foods are more sexual than others, and that is a reality we have to deal with. I suppose my only advice to someone looking to take a corn dog selfie is to just recognize that you are taking a very sexual picture. I also recommend never eating a corn dog: this tasted like a nasty boiled hot dog thinly coated with soggy corn, and I honestly only ate it for the sake of the selfie.

Silver Spork Burrito Selfie

The Burrito Selfie
A close relative of the corn dog selfie, the burrito selfie is slightly less phallic. Some might argue that it is significantly less phallic, but personally, I would far prefer to have sexual relations with a burrito than a corn dog. That being said I generally reserve burrito selfies for when I’m feeling unapologetically gluttonous. Burritos rule, and it is frankly empowering to pose with them.

Silver Spork Baguette Selfie

The Baguette Selfie
While I generally don’t recommend taking selfies with abnormally long loaves of bread, when you’re in Paris you might as well embrace the cliche. I believe I captioned this “V. important baguette selfie #Paris.” Alternately, it could be fun to take a baguette selfie when you’re definitely not in Paris to trick others into thinking that you are in Paris in a fun and whimsical twist.

Post and photos by Kirsten Martin.