Last Meals

If you only had one day left on this planet, what would you do? Travel? Spend all your money? Finally tell your boss how you feel? Or would you treat yourself to all of the foods you’ve been told you “shouldn’t eat”? Whether it’s the sugar content, the amount of carbs, or the fact that it’s fried in something you can’t pronounce, we’ve all told ourselves “we don’t need that” over and over again so many times we actually believe it! With my last day, I’d eat anything I could get my hands on…

I’d like to begin with dessert. Who says it has to come last? I know it sounds unoriginal, but I’m the kind of girl who needs chocolate on the daily; snort it, drink it, shoot it up, I NEED MY FIX. It’s hardly ever fancy truffles or strawberries dipped in chocolate. Oh no. I don’t have the time or the patience for that shit. On my last day, however, I want melts-in-your-mouth, face orgasm chocolate – I want my eyes to roll back into their sockets. Give me chocolate mousse, the best chocolate truffles and cake, chocolate ice cream with chocolate syrup; I want the dishes the chocolate is served on to be made out of chocolate so I can take a bite out of them like Willy Wonka. Is anyone taking notes? You should be.

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Just want to shove my face into that chocolate…

I would next require the largest barbeque chicken pizza the world has ever known. Texas has turned me into a barbeque snob – you’ve never tasted barbeque until you’ve made it down to my country (yes, country) where there are apparently four styles of barbeque … I expect every one of them to be represented in my pizza. Better yet, why don’t I just ask for four different pizzas? One for East Texas, Central Texas, West Texas, and South Texas. I think I’m a genius.

The cheese on those pizzas better be stringy and greasy – no amount of mopping with napkins should be able to soak up the grease that is about to go into my body. Cured chicken topped with onions, onion, onions. Mmmmmmmm…

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Holy mother of pizza!

After my first two courses, I’d need to completely switch gears. As previously stated, one day left on this planet isn’t very conducive to traveling. BUT, I can let my food take me to corners of the world I wouldn’t have time to see. Which is why my next meal would be Indian food. Because Indian food is the shiznit.

Though there are many Indian foods that bring joy to both my tongue and my heart, on my last day I would ask for piles and piles of sag paneer and naan. If you’ve never tried sag paneer, you are missing part of your soul (side note: are you Voldemort?). Basically, sag paneer is THE reason to wake up each day. It is a combination of farmer’s cheese, spinach, and spices. I’m pretty sure it has healing powers because I can eat loads of this shit and not feel guilty. Ever! Therefore, this is an essential part of my last day on Earth.

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Is it possible to be in love with a food?

And finally, I would like to end my day with the essential hamburger and fries. This is one of the foods that I most frequently talk myself out of eating and I know I’m not the only one. Why do we torture ourselves? WHO THE HELL KNOWS?

This burger needs to be the most amazing burger I have ever graced my mouth with. I’m talking beef (get outta here, turkey), cheese, and ALL of the toppings. I suggest the following:

  • Jalapeños
  • Cheddar
  • Bacon
  • Avocado
  • Onions
  • Pineapple
  • Lettuce
  • Tomato
  • Ketchup
  • Mustard
  • Mayo (spicy?)

And no one on this day is going to suggest I eat this burger without the buns. Well, they can. But I will promptly sock them in the nose.

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You got some nice buns there, gurl.

Though the majority of us are probably going to be here tomorrow, I see no reason why we can’t indulge in the greasy and gooey today. I mean come on! What’s the point of all that food if all we’re gonna do is stare at it? So, get out there and eat some buttery risotto and deep-fried Oreos. I know I am!

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Post by Grace Tweedy.

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