Tales from the Snack Bag
One of the perks of my job is the presence of the snack bag—a paper grocery bag filled with an assortment of snacks my boss buys for us. Don’t be misled by the Whole Foods insignia. Most of these snacks have at LEAST Red 40 if not Blue 1. This bag includes normal stuff (like chocolate covered almonds) and ‘limited-edition’ things (like the cinnamon-and-sugar kale chips or the candy corn flavored M&Ms). This bag is a good respite for boredom and hunger, but is too often a last resort mid-afternoon. I will now try all the snacks in the snack bag and review them for your reading pleasure. My rating system is 1-10 with 10 being the best.
G.H. Cretors Chicago Style Popcorn
This was one of the classic examples of my boss bringing in a snack that could be either very good or very disgusting. For those of you who do not know, “Chicago Style” entails a sweet/savory combo of cheddar popcorn and caramel corn. Separate, they are good, but together they are great. Many of my friends will remember the brief period of time I was really into the “Chicago style” popcorn I found in my college’s snack store. That popcorn, however, was completely artificial and made my mouth feel numb the second time I ate it. This popcorn, however, was so much better because it not only had no artificial ingredients, but also reminded me of my long-lost love (without the side effects).
This snack gets 9/10 because I was the only person at work who ate any of it (partly because I hogged it, and partly because everyone else viewed it with a wary eye).
Smores Candy Corn
This is another prime example of questionable stuff that is brought in. Candy Corn is already a last-resort Halloween candy, to be honest. Additionally, smores flavored things that aren’t actually smores are almost always 100% disappointing. This did not taste like candy corn or smores, just sugar and wax.
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup
Yeah, baby. Hell yeah. What more can be said about this superb treat besides the fact that they seem to be making these smaller than they used to??
8/10 for size!
These Oreos are festive because the cream is orange. Luckily, they are still in the traditional flavor of “same great taste,” as noted on the packaging. They even have a bit more crème than normal Oreos, even though they aren’t double stuffed.
8/10 because of artificial coloring creeping me out generally.
Probiotic Snack Mix
I love snacks that incorporate health buzzwords for seemingly no reason. What is probiotic about this mix? The 5 almonds in the bag, or the chocolate covered raisins? As a proud member of #TeamMilkChocolate I frown upon the claim that dark chocolate is “healthy,” and “probiotic” is a huge stretch. This did end up being a good mix of flavors for me, and the sweetness of the dried cranberries was a good combination with the dark chocolate.
7/10 for trickery, but 9/10 for taste. So 8.5/10 overall.
Annie’s Cheddar Snack Mix
There is something definitely weird and off about this. Organic versions of traditional junk food are rarely legitimate substitutions. This snack takes the simplicity of Goldfish and almost ruins it by possibly adding garlic salt. This is like organic Flavor Blasted Goldfish but in a bad way. And there aren’t enough pretzels to make it close to snack mix perfection (aka Chex Mix).
Red Velvet Caramels
Red Velvet is supremely artificial, even in its original cake form. You legitimately have to pour an entire bottle of food coloring into cake batter. Unless you make food-dye with beets and if so, that’s cool, teach me your ways. Adding the “flavor” of red velvet (which is what, exactly? Cream cheese frosting and cake taste?) to a “caramel bite” is weird and disorienting. The presence of white chocolate is at first welcoming, then only serves to emphasize the artificial flavor of the whole bit. There is definitely not any caramel flavoring either. So what exactly are these? I am left confused as a snacker.
Month Old Brownies I Found Behind the Front Desk (not pictured)
Crusty exterior with a suspect white sheen to it? Rock hard interior? In their freshest form these were gooey and fudgy, but have now become a shadow of their former selves. My review is, in a word, no.
Post and photos by Lucy Morel.