Third Day of Christmas: Eggnog

Remember that song about the Twelve Days of Christmas? Sure you do. There were some drummers, some birds, some rings… Yeah, it’s not that important. That’s why we’re giving you our own take, one number a day until Christmas, so that you can celebrate the holidays by making something you’d actually want to eat. Now get counting and cooking.


TIS THE SEASON TO BE MERRY.  You know what’s merry? Eggnog (and a lot of fucking brandy, apparently). You know what’s not merry? French hens. Although I guess you can get the French hens to lay eggs to make eggnog. And then you can sit around with your eggnog and your French hens and be fucking merry.

So if you’re feeling especially festive, want to impress someone, or are just too lazy to go to the store and pick up a carton, here’s how to make fucking delicious eggnog from scratch. This is the non-alcoholic version, but we’ve got you covered and included two other ways to do eggnog. Happy holidays.

 Silver Spork Eggnog

3 cups milk
1 cup heavy cream
1/2 cup sugar
4 large eggs
1 tablespoon of cinnamon
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Freshly grated nutmeg

In a large bowl, use a whisk or an electric mixer to beat eggs until they’re fluffy. Slowly add the sugar, but don’t stop whisking the eggs. Tis the season to whisk. Forever.

Wait, stop whisking. Combine the milk and cinnamon in a saucepan. Slowly heat on medium high until the cinnamon milk is steamy, but don’t let it boil.

Slowly add the steamy milk to the eggs, while whisking continuously. When you’re done, pour the milk-egg mix back into the saucepan. Don’t try to pour the eggs into the milk. It doesn’t work, because science.

Cook on medium heat and stir constantly with a wooden spoon until everything begins to thicken slightly. It should be thick enough to coat the back of the spoon. Resist the temptation to lick the spoon every time you check. Don’t let it come to a boil, or it will curdle, and then you’ll be sad. Remove from heat and stir in the cream. Let it cool for one hour. Go make a partridge pear potpie, or decorate your tree, or peruse Silver Spork to pass the time.

Mix in vanilla extract and nutmeg. Chill until you’re ready to drink!

And of course, for alcoholic eggnog (maybe the only kind of eggnog), pour in ¾ a cup of brandy when you stir in the cream.

If you want to get even fancier, or just more drunk, have an eggnog white Russian… Mix an ounce of vodka, an ounce of Kahlua, and two ounces of eggnog, and stir. Top it off with some fresh nutmeg and start sipping.

Post by Lian Weinsten. Recipe modified from