Twelfth Day of Christmas: Mock Heath Bars

Remember that song about the Twelve Days of Christmas? Sure you do. There were some drummers, some birds, some rings… Yeah, it’s not that important. That’s why we’re giving you our own take, one number a day until Christmas, so that you can celebrate the holidays by making something you’d actually want to eat. Now get counting and cooking.


We’ve finally made it to Day 12, Sporkers! Get ready to rip open those presents. But before you do, get together with that family of yours and whip of a batch of Mock Heath Bars. These little beauties are the staple of my Christmas more than anything else. Plus, 12 ounces of semi-sweet chocolates is such an excellent alternative to 12 drummers drumming.

Variations of this recipe are touted as “Christmas Crack” and we hope you want to find out why. This chocolatey, toffee “candy” made with Saltines is addicting. Another bonus, the recipe is super easy. Literally, the most difficult part of this recipe is waiting until they’re cool before cutting them up and consuming the entire tray.

Merry Christmas Eve, readers! Try not to go into a sugar coma.

Mock Heath Bars


12 ounces semi-sweet chocolate chips
1.5-2 sleeves of Saltine crackers
1 stick of margarine
1 stick of butter
1 cup packed brown sugar
sea salt (optional)
chopped walnuts (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Place crackers on a Crisco-ed, foil-lined baking sheet. Fill the entire baking sheet.

Melt the margarine and butter in a small sauce pan over medium-low heat, then add the brown sugar. Once the mixture is bubbling around the edges, pour it evenly over the crackers.

Bake the sugar-butter-coated-crackers for 10 minutes. (Optional: Watch as the crackers dance their dance of bubbling toffee creation.)

Sprinkle the whole 12 ounces of semi-sweet chocolate chips evenly over the crackers. Put them back in the oven for a few minutes, just until the chocolate chips are melted enough to spread. Spread the chocolate evenly over the surface of the crackers.

Add sea salt and chopped walnuts to taste. Or not, if you prefer.

Let them cool completely, which takes forever. Then cut them back into cracker-sized squares and try not to consume the entire batch in one sitting.

Post and Recipe by Brittany DeSalvo.