Chocolate Peanut Clusters


The only thing that represents Christmas more than Jesus, presents, the spirit of giving, and getting drunk to endure your relatives is chocolate. My advent calendar? Filled with chocolate. The Christmas aisles at Target? Lined with chocolate.

As my good friend Bubba knows, there’s chocolate Santas, chocolate truffles, chocolate covered pretzels, chocolate shaped like coal, hot chocolate, chocolate milk, chocolate peppermint mochas, chocolate peppermint bark, chocolate-covered potato chips, chocolate snowmen, grandmas passing out chocolate, people bringing chocolate to work, there’s things coated in chocolate, things filled with chocolate, things served with chocolate, things that should be served with chocolate. And it’s never enough.

There’s no shortage of chocolate around my house. But my entire family squirms for the yearly delivery of peanut clusters from my aunt. For a weekend, her kitchen transforms into a chocolate factory as she turns out batch after batch of peanut clusters. But clustered together with what, you ask? Chocolate of course!

I’m betting that even though Christmas is over you’ve already eaten every tasty thing Santa left in your stocking. He knows you have no self control but he keeps indulging you anyway. Damn you, Santa.

In the spirit of post-Christmas sweets binges, I’ve decided to share the secret family recipe with you Sporkers. On one condition: make sure you don’t waste any chocolate.

Chocolate Peanut Clusters 

2 12 ounce packages salted nuts (with hulls) – Hermans brand
12 ounce package semisweet chocolate chips
24 ounce package chocolate almond bark 

Melt chocolate chips and almond bark in the microwave for a couple of minutes on medium power.

Mix nuts into the now-melted mixture, evenly coating.

Scoop out spoonfuls of mixture onto wax paper and let cool. Carefully peel peanut clusters off paper.

And don’t forget what I said about wasting chocolate! Tip: my aunt dips pretzels in the leftover chocolate.

Post, Photos, and Recipe by Katie Paige.