New Year’s Resolution: Become a Wine God


I’ve been really behind on basically everything this year. You know: buying birthday presents hours before you’re supposed to send them off; going to the grocery store on the night before Thanksgiving (I seriously advise NOT partaking in this…); and now here I am, trying to figure out what the heck I need to change about myself this year.

I’ve never been very good at resolutions. I mean, I usually steal whatever my family members or friends say when they’re prompted. We have this tradition in my family where we go around the dinner table on New Year’s Eve and talk about our resolutions. There were always at least seven of us present at this annual dinner and I consistently tried my damndest to be the last one singled out – my Poppy LOVES making everyone talk about their goals, dreams, and resolutions… its a thing. And as I’m “practically perfect in every way,” this always poses a challenge.

Well, this year I’m not able to go back home to be with family, but I still feel obligated to make up some resolution. While I was taking down my Christmas decorations yesterday, though, I realized that I’ve been doing it all wrong my entire life! I’ve always used other’s resolutions and there was no way in hell I’d ever be able to meet those goals: weight loss, no swearing, less drinking, being a generally good and wholesome person, etc. So, this year I’ve decided to make an achievable resolution and it revolves around wine.

Yes. Wine. The mother of all drinks.

I currently drink a lot of wine. Like water, really. I mean, who can deny themselves a glass of wine after a stressful day at work? Or after a normal day? Afternoon? Morning? Waking up is SUPER difficult sometimes. I’ve come to accept wine as another family member, but one you’re not related to by blood and you find super attractive. Oh wine, how I love thee. And I’m not an expensive drinker, either. There are plenty of full-bodied wines out there that are under 15 dollars – believe me, I’ve found them.

But I digress.

My goal is to become more of a wine aficionada – I already know what wines I personally do and do not like, but the real challenge is to use my own personal knowledge and use it for the benefit of other people. I’m personally a red wine person (you must try Francis Coppola’s merlot with a barbeque chicken pizza), but if you give me a sweet gewurztraminer or a tart pinot grigio I will never say no and shall drink it with whatever I am currently eating (its a common misconception that wines must at all costs be had with specific foods, by the by). I want to be able to talk and eat with friends and family and know instantly the wine that they need to try. I’ve always loved when I get suggestions from connoisseurs, but its more meaningful when a friend knows me so well that they bring me something new and delicious that I can then pass on to someone else.


Lots of research will have to go into this resolution and, as previously stated, I feel I am more than qualified to take on this task. I shall first dedicate myself to trying at least one new wine per week – my Goodwill wine rack must always have a new bottle of wine ready to go. And, to ensure I don’t become a hermit drinker, I must then invite friends over each week to enjoy the wine with me. Or, even better, maybe I’ll just make sure we all go out to dinner (I can’t cook for shit) and THERE we shall ingest the new wine!

I might just be brilliant.

If all goes to plan I will: (1) at the end of the year be able to suggest to all of you some seriously fantastic wines, and (2) make my Poppy proud by not stealing another resolution… until next year.

In conclusion, wish me luck, bottoms up, and happy new year, Sporkers!

Post by Grace Tweedy.