The Great Doritos Review

Let me paint you a picture, ladies and gentlemen. Imagine, for a moment, that you’re in college, watching the big game on your modest dorm room television. Outside, the wind howls, snow buffets the windows and cold seeps in through the cracks. As halftime hits, you realize that something is missing. A certain special something that will bring warmth back into the tiny room that you call home. You know what it is, too. You need a snack.

Not just any snack, mind you. Only a particular snack will do, one brimming with flavor that would make Demeter, Goddess of the harvest, weep with joy. Naturally, I’m talking about Doritos.

If we wanted to, we could probably dedicate an entire site to the various Doritos flavors. At the time of writing, there are over 11 flavors of Doritos, ranging from plain corn chip to Jacked Ranch Dipped Hot Wings. However, I’m a simple guy, so I’m going to focus on the 3 flavors of Doritos that are stocked in my University’s snack shops. Those flavors are Nacho Cheese, Cool Ranch, and Spicy Nacho.

Doritos Nacho Cheese

Nacho Cheese
Let’s start with the classic, shall we? Nacho Cheese is the original, the Marlon Brando to the Doritos Corleone family. It’s also a very difficult flavor to describe. Despite the name, Nacho Cheese Doritos taste nothing like any nacho cheese I’ve ever had. To me, it tastes like summer. It’s a warm, delicious flavor that embodies the sunniest months of the year. According to Wikipedia, that’s because Doritos are specifically designed to unleash the flavor bomb known as umami on unsuspecting tongues.

For those who don’t know, umami is one of the five basic tastes, which also includes sweet, sour, bitter, and salty. It’s also the rarest of the flavors, only appearing in certain foods or dishes, which is unfortunate considering the deliciousness that umami brings. Umami can be literally translated as ‘delicious taste’, and it’s the flavor responsible for the savory, addicting nature of Doritos. The mad scientists at Frito Lay have created a potent flavor combination that explodes with deliciousness, and I couldn’t be more pleased.

Doritos Cool Ranch

Cool Ranch
Now it’s time to cool down and move on to a more relaxed flavor. Cool Ranch Doritos are distinct from their Nacho Cheese brethren in that they taste like their namesake. The ranch flavor, while subdued, is present in all its tangy glory. It should be said that Cool Ranch Doritos once again reminds me of the warm summer months. This time, however, the flavor is more subdued and, dare I say it, cool. It’s the flavor equivalent to taking a nap on a hammock. Cool Ranch is one of the most popular flavors of Doritos for a good reason; the flavors held within a single chip are enough to make anyone crave more.

Doritos Spicy Nacho

Spicy Nacho
Let’s end this thing with a bang, shall we? It’s time to delve into our final bag, the Spicy Nacho. Before we examine the flavors of this particular chip, let me briefly explain the sordid history between myself and Doritos Spicy Nacho. It was my junior year in college. At the time, I was innocent, naive. I stopped by the convenience store on my way back to my dorm and grabbed the red bag of Doritos off the shelf. I thought I had grabbed Nacho Cheese. It was only later that I realized the truth. After the first bite, all was calm. The two bags were similar enough in flavor that I didn’t notice. After the second bite, things began to heat up. The familiar flavor of Nacho Cheese melted into a spicy dance that left a lasting sensation in my mouth. It was incredible.

Spicy Nacho Doritos are nearly identical to Nacho Cheese Doritos. The difference lies in the spicy kick that follows the familiar nacho flavor. It isn’t a strong kick, but it adds just enough heat to make the flavor stay on your tongue just a bit longer. And in the realm of snacking, long lasting flavor is a winning combination.

Post by Kyle Brown. Depression supplied by Doritos.