Cherry King

Hello, Daddy. Hello, Mom. I’m your ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry king commits suicide when authorities discover underground marijuana operation.

Oh shit. That is NOT where I thought that was going.

Arthur Mondella, the leader of Dell’s Maraschino Cherries, shot himself this past Tuesday after police became suspicious about the, well, everything. Mondella’s office was complete with a fake wall and some shelves were attached to that thing with magnets. He was truly living a double life.

When Arthur realized there was no way out of his situation, he barricaded himself in the bathroom near his office. Authorities and Mondella’s sister attempted to get him out to no avail. His last words were to his sister: “Take care of my kids.”

I don’t need to lecture anyone about the prevalence of weed in our country. I also don’t mean to come across as anarchic (though perhaps a little bit revolutionary).

This entire situation could have been avoided if we would legalize marijuana. Arthur Mondella would still be alive, his children would have a father, and I wouldn’t have forced you to read lyrics from an insufferable song.

And that’s why I give you this drink in honor of Arthur Mondella.


The Cherry King

2 ounces cherry vodka
1 ounce lemon juice
Dash angostura bitters
Garnished with several speared Dell’s Maraschino Cherries

Pour the cherry vodka, lemon juice, and angostura bitters into an ice filled shaker. Shake well.

Strain into a cocktail glass and garnish with a cherry.

The Cherry King is dead! Long live the Cherry King!

Post and recipe by Ian Sims.