Kraft Cheese: Chemical Nightmare

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This week in food news, a “cheese product” got the stamp of approval from the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. We apparently can’t even call Kraft American Singles real cheese, but this “cheese product” is a healthy addition to your child’s balanced diet. If your response isn’t WTF, then you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself (and your health).

Are they serious? Let’s just talk about Kraft for a second. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Kraft Mac n Cheese. I grew up on that shit. But is it anything but creamy processed goodness? No. Case in point, I happen to live with Silver Spork News‘s lovely Instagram manager, and she loves American cheese singles, as many people do. One day, we were making brunch and scrambling cheese in with our eggs, and decided to use her American singles. Of course, the cheese will melt into the eggs and become a piece of dairy perfection, right? Yes… except that shit did NOT MELT. What kind of cheese doesn’t melt?! Overprocessed CHEMICAL CHEESE, that’s what. We were slightly mortified at how horribly we had tainted brunch, but still ate it cause, brunch. We then tested the melting point of said cheese. The result? We still don’t fucking know. If this left you so dumbstruck that you forgot everything else I’ve just said, let me just remind you that this is the cheese that just got the “Kids eat right” stamp of approval.

This is all very timely as well, as Kraft just recalled a staggering amount of Mac n Cheese cases due to metal, 242,000 cases to be exact. METAL. IN OUR BELOVED MAC N CHEESE. I know it’s a fucking childhood staple, but that doesn’t mean it should literally contain staples. There’s speculation that announcing Kraft Singles gaining this stamp of approval is an attempt to gain some positive PR in the midst of this metallic nightmare.

Kraft isn’t the only company to attempt something like this. Coke just came out with a statement from nutritional experts saying that mini cans of coke are a healthy snack idea. We all (hopefully) know that this is complete bullshit. BUT IF YOU DIDN’T, Google it, and you’ll find that Coke pays nutritional experts to say that coke is healthy so that “they can cast their product in a positive light.” Paying people to lie skew the truth in the name of consumerism is not new, unfortunately. But seriously, what does this say about society? That we care more about consumerism and driving a profit than the overwhelming obesity problem in this country? Maybe. Probably. Yes, these cans are smaller, but still.

If you’re a little late on the 2015 New Year’s resolution, maybe resolving to cut back on processed products would be an easy place to start. You know, for the sake of eating right and not unintentionally ingesting metal. But hey, I get the appeal of Kraft and Coke(I can’t claim to be a complete saint–I still drink it when I’m drinking), so you do you, Sporkers.

Post by Lian Weinstein. Photo from NewYorkTimes.com/Associated Press.

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