Fairlife Milk Review

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I hated it on principle. And now I hate it on taste. Fairlife (see: Coca-Cola) has brought a new milk product to the market. Fairlife’s self-titled milk has been boasting some seriously big claims as the Coca-Cola Company has prepared to bring it to the market. I’ll admit that I’ve been both looking forward to this day and dreading it. Regardless, I’ve been avidly perusing the markets and actually calling stores ahead of time to find out when they would be receiving their shipments.

Alas, it seemed it wasn’t meant to be, at least not in Madison, WI. This week in Houston I stopped by the dairy section to pick up milk for breakfast and there it was. Fairlife was sitting right in front of my eyes, both the white milk (only the 2% version) and chocolate milk options. I’m not generally one to gamble with my breakfast options, but this seemed like a chance I could not pass up.

I grew up on skim milk, but in recent years I’ve made the switch to 2%. That’s my history of milk. Fairlife is an odd bastardization of the things that I enjoy. I wanted to like it. I really did. But to me it simply has the aftertaste of egg whites, which isn’t exactly my drink of choice.

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The bottle is snappy enough. The white and blue colors pop out against the other options in the dairy section. The bottle is littered with claims that make this milk seem larger than life.

50% more protein

30% more calcium

Reduced fat

Ultra-filtered milk

30% less fat than whole milk

Vitamins A & D

All of these are right on the face of the bottle, not to mention the repetitive “19g Protein 19g Protein19g Protein” around the rim. This is one of those rare occasions where the longer the list of benefits, the more suspicious I become. It’s like a man accused of theft shouting that he’s innocent only because he’s worried someone will find out about a murder. It’s too in your face, too propagandist.

Barring all that, its biggest crime and the one that truly matters is the taste. I even went into this expecting to like it. Milk from Coca-Cola? I’m not a fan of colas; I’ll admit it, but Coke has made some tasty drinks. I expected this to be delicious, something that would justify the milk being double the cost of regular milk.

It’s not. This is not the “milk killer” it was planned to be. People will not be pouring this over their cereal. They will not be using it to bake. With any luck, they will be leaving in on the shelves at Targets and Walmarts and Krogers to rot. And then Fairlife will realize their folly, part from Coca-Cola, and go back to caring about their animals a little bit more than the average factory farm.

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Bonus Review: Chocolate Fairlife

Superior in every way to the 2% version, but also quite high in calories. It’s not the worst thing you’re going to drink. An 11.5 oz. bottle of Chocolate Fairlife has 200 calories. A 20 oz. bottle of Coke has 240. Obviously there’s more benefits in the milk than the Coke, but to the fervent calorie counters out there the differences will boil down to those two numbers.

Chocolate Fairlife is also (dare I say it?) too sweet. Shoot me.

Post and photos by Ian Sims. A dying industry being shit on by another dying industry supplied by Coca-Cola.

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