5 Sugary Drinks Disguising Themselves as Healthy Juices

Soda is the devil! Sugar is the devil! I work in an office and am appalled by what people consider to be “diet” drinks. They talk about how they are trying to cut down on sugar and eliminate soda from their lives. So, they have replaced the Coca Cola in their lives with the juice options from the vending machines. Natural means healthy right? Fruit is natural? LIES! Fed to them by the media. The following are five of the soda alternative options found at my place of employment, all of which have oodles of sugar!

Florida’s Natural Orange Juice


Serving Size 3.53 oz, Calories 110, Sugar 22 grams

This one tries to fool you by having “natural” in the title. It seems you see this label everywhere today. All Natural this, and Natural Ingredients that. My friends, technically this claim means fuck all. Legally it means nothing! Any company can claim Oak Express naturalness with no legal repercussions. This moniker is a smoke and mirrors technique to convince the poor, gullible public that they are being healthy. The only bigger ploy is to have a leaf on the label. OMG there are leaves on the bottle!!!

Country Time Lemonade


Serving Size 8 oz, Calories 60, Sugar 16 grams

Lemons are healthy. They have 17 calories and less than 2 grams of sugar. So what the hell is in this?! Look closely now…this product could actually be the poster child for the fledgling organization PETL (People for the Ethical Treatment of Lemons). Why? Because they could literally add a label that reads “no real lemons were harmed in the making of this product.” This drink is a “natural” lemon flavored beverage, which as we have discussed before, should mean almost nothing to you. PETL members rejoice!

Florida’s Natural Ruby Red Grapefruit Juice


Serving Size 8 oz, Calories 90, Sugar 20 grams

I think that most of us see grapefruit as the ubiquitous “diet” breakfast. You know the classic scene. While the kids chow down on Captain Crunch, poor Grandpa with high cholesterol chokes down half a grapefruit sprinkled with sugar to mask the sour taste. Well, the company took that idea and ran with it. A serving of this juice has a 90 calories and 20 grams of sugar. Hey! Less than orange juice! Winner 😉

Mott’s 100% Apple Juice

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Serving Size 8 oz, Calories 120, Sugar 28 grams

Healthy yes. Apple a day and all that jazz. Also has more sugar than a Red Bull. No wonder the kids in school have attention issues. I can’t concentrate either after that much…oh look a squirrel!

Ocean Spray Cranberry Juice


Serving Size 8 oz, Calories 110, Sugar 28 grams

Now this is a favorite of UTI sufferers. With a cranberry vodka, they can keep their urinary tract clean and enjoy a good buzz at the same time. A full serving of this is equal to apple juice in sugar content. Why don’t they make vodka Apple Juice? Hmm….quandary. Anyway, if you are bulking up or watching your figure, you might consider making that cranberry vodka 99% vodka and 1% cranberry if you want to avoid the extra calories.

Moral of the story: If you want the fruit taste, EAT THE FRUIT!

Post by Alex Castanon.